The Law of Equivalent Exchange
But us, we found peace in the shadows, long enough to see the monster die...
There are moments where the veneer cracks and I just want to scream. I just don’t understand it. All I want to be happy and not constantly looking over my shoulder at whatever else is going on. I don’t want to care about other things, I just want to care about my life, but I can’t turn off this need to know. This compulsive, disgusting need to know EVERYTHING. All it seems to do is frustrate and annoy me, and I feel like I’m ready to just walk away from all of it. Leave tumblr, facebook, and anything that is social network related, and just go live in a cabin somewhere. I understand that it’s not as dramatic as all that for other people, but I’m a near-Asperger’s level introvert who has done his damnedest to come out of that shell, and everything seems to be going wrong at once and all I want to do is hide again. I hate it, I hate this, and sometimes, yes, I hate myself. I hate the weakness that I feel, and that my faith which gets me through all else can’t seem to shore up the gaps between my heart and the rest of the world. I just want a do-over, or something. I’m trying to be happy, by God and everyone else, I really am. It’s just not working, and I feel like I’m losing my grip. I’m an adult and I’ve tried adult solutions for this and nothing seems to help. I feel like I’m wasting my life, and what improvements I have made aren’t adding up to much. What the hell am I supposed to do now?
